I Am An Ungrateful Pretentious Poser
by Andi Kato
You only think I am an ungrateful pretentious poser
because I said you were boring.
Well, you’re also retarded.
The reason I think it’s “retarded” to paint your
skin with acrylic, and to paint your teeth
with fingernail polish (besides obvious ones) is one,
it’s really fucking bad for you, and two,
when you do things that are really fucking bad for you,
and don’t care, it means you have no self-respect, and if
don’t respect yourself, you can’t truly respect others.
Actually, I didn’t say you were boring, so - surprise -
you’re boring.
If Darwin were here, he’d say:
Randy, you should just kill yourself. You’re just a dumb poor mexican
and a drug addict. You’re polluting the gene pool. And Andi -
you’re probably going to be an alcoholic, so you should probably just off
it.
And I mean that in the nicest possible way (Charles has manners).
And you two should never copulate. Please. Having children will only
contributeto the decline of modern society.
And if Bill Bryson were here, I’d say:
Bill Bryson, please be my daddy.
And if Ayn Rand were here, I’d say:
You know, I’m pretty sure you’re dead. Are you lost?
Let’s get you back to your grave in New York, dear.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Very nice. I absolutely love the last few lines concerning Ayn Rand. Priceless!
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