My Friends
by Dallas Roberts
In the past 6 years, these are my good friends. I had a friend who talked like a mob boss. He was on his 4th wife, and he liked sleeping with women in their teens. My best friend, years ago, kissed a girl I was going out with, boy what a great guy he was. Another best friend said he was going to say nothing at my job at Hertz and he ended up ratting me out, getting me fired and almost causing me to lose my unemployment check.
Another friend, her name is Debbie, she doesn’t like to go out, but she doesn’t mind texting. She’s shallow, all she cares about is how much money you make, even though she looks like a big dilly bar. She would fuck Quazzi Motto if he made 6-7 figures, but if you’re the greatest, best looking guy in the world and you only make 40 grand a year forget about it with her. Another friend named Ed is a great guy.
I’ve only seen him 3 times in the last 7 years though. He is 32 years old, lives with his parents and doesn’t have a job. Me and him have a lot in common. Those are my friends. A pretty great group I must say. If I had to kill all of them, and I could only spare one, I’d spare Ed. Let the rest rot in hell.