Untitled
by Jackie Statkus-Perri
#1
I tried to capture this moment
And the way I feel inside
But I possess no vessel
To contain it.
It stretches and swells
With a sadness
That feels like ice forming in the sea.
It is cold and cloudy
And swallows up anything
Floating in its chunky waves.
Ah, my motivation
Has already been captured.
It has slipped into the icy depths
Of these unforgiving waters.
I must float and wait
For the chilly silence
To close in around me,
Solidifying my melancholy
And giving shape to my ache.
#2
Sadness
Unpredictable and messy
Like a murky puddle
That has no bottom
Waiting for me
At the foot of my bed.
I wake up,
Step off the edge
And drown.
#3
I am hungry
Ravenous
I want to consume and bulge
I need to feel full
Satiated
But I never do
There is always room
For more
Alas
Nothing is ever as satisfying
As I imagined it would be
Once I have had it
Wanting is the sparkle
On the edge of a blade
And I can’t help
Running my tongue across it
Trying to get a taste
No matter how it makes me bleed
#4
weary and heavy limbed
I ache to surrender to the pressing weight
threatening to flatten me like a dead flower
forgotten between book’s yellowing pages
my eyes remain blinded to all that swirls before me
it is only on the inside that I dare to see
I turn deaf ears on the voices screaming and wailing
over the constant, slushy thud of my frozen, chunky blood
sluggishly coursing throughout my sodden veins
I wish to lie thick like a muddy puddle upon the floor
the only movement I shall allow
is the shallow rise and fall of my empty, blackened chest
just enough of an inhale permitted
to feed my lungs through to the next
no surplus of sustenance, just the bare, naked core
I care not for food or folly
they are lost to me
in this state of catatonic numbness, where I alone exist
the only fuel I desired has long since been burned
all that is left are red, smoking embers
emitting tiny, orange flickering flashes upon my bed of ashes
no comfort and company of memory is passing my time
I delve deeply into this cushion of hollowness
cold hands and empty bellied sensations thwart what calls me to rise
haggard from efforts and emotions
I lie supine to my fate and await release from this place
I shall not chase another remedy nor relief
I only wish to sleep.
#5
I caught myself again
Spiraling out of control
I begin going up
Climbing higher and higher
Reaching and rushing
Running a race against myself
There is no finish line
And no medal ceremony at the end
Unnerved
Disciplined
Focused
Inspired
Getting so high
No one could even see me
I am afraid of heights, so doubt sneaks in
Creeping up on me
Silently skulking
Reaching out from the darkness
Shoving me headlong over the edge
Plummeting
Reckless
Scattered
Fractured
Falling so hard, so fast
I cannot grab onto anything
Paralyzed and alone
Each low, lower than the one before
In this bottomless pit I have dug for myself
The dust settles and the eclipse passes
I pick up the pieces and start over
Like a rat on a wheel
Going nowhere, and getting there fast
I wish I could fly away
No longer confined
By the gravity of my reality
And the weight of my chemistry
Tangled up in the vicious cycle
September 7th, 2005 at 2:39 pm
Enjoyed reading these. A very good collection of work.
Have your say - leave a comment