Call him Dick. And his lover, Jane. They fell in
love, but mostly without the fictitious following. ( Life is
full of bullshit almost all the time, anyhow).
              Dick sees Jane in the Bar's witching hour. They laugh
and have a drink, spellbound with each other. The next day,
Jane invites Dick home to her leaky condo. They eat dinner
surrounded by candles, gazing into each other's blue eyes. They
talk about great writers like Jane Austen, Charles Dickens and
Emily Dickinson. Jane is passionate like Elizabeth Bennett, and
Dick hates the twisted Beadle, Mr. Bumble, who mistreats Oliver
and other children. Jane loves Dick for his sensitivity; Dick
loves Jane because she is lovely and reclusive like Emily
Dickinson. They laugh until they crumble in each other's arms.
Then, they feel magic as they begin to huff and puff and play on
her black-leathered couch. See Dick come with his lonely, sexy
Jane doggie-style. There is a spot on the front of Dick's GAP
jeans. Jane says she can wash them, as she puffs on her
cigarette. He holds her pussy and smiles. He says no.
            Dick rises to go. Jane holds him, asks him where he's
going. He has business to take care of. He will call her. He
leaves her. She is only blowing smoke as the evening drags
on after work as she watches a movie "Fun With Dick And Jane"
starring Jane Fonda. What if Dick is into shit like these
cons are? Then she watches "Moby Dick" wondering if her Dick
has a one track mind like the mindless, selfish Captain Ahab.
She frowns while smoking cigarettes and drinking red wine. Next,
she listens to Moby and falls asleep with Dick's Pearl Jam CD.
Sunday morning comes and Dick still has not called. Call Dick,
call Dick, she chants in her mind to the phone, as she watches
"Jane Eyre" while listening to a Jane's Addiction CD on her
walkman. She dreams of his sweet, tender tongue-licking.
              Then he calls her. He is at his flat and lonely and
wasted as Kurt Cobain was. But he does not tell her he is.
He says he would like to come over. Yes, come Dick, she says
with controlled passion. He is surprised when she opens her
door in her black negligee, red panties and laced-red bra. She
feels happy when he says only she can give him sexual healing.
But she is hurt when he asks her what's to eat. She pouts with
her hands hipped, and says he's looking at it. He apologizes.
He calls her his sweet "Lady Jane".
               He feels her softness; she feels his hardness. Both
of mind and body. Soon, Dick is Jane's Tarzan, her wild-man.
His mind gets blown by his "Honkey-Tonk Woman". He then says
he needs to blow some puff. She says she doesn't like to blow pot
smoke. He purrs in her fur. She is weak when he says he's very
sorry. She gives in to Dick and blows with him.
             Dick comes over every night that week puffing Jane's pot,
and eating Jane's food. Jane is worried that Dick is like a hare,
obsessed with grass, food and sex. But, Jane feels how harmless he
is with his gentle nature. Then, Jane thinks she is in love with
Dick. But, Dick seems more interested in Mary-Jane. Jane's hints
of living a life together make Dick run. Run, Dick, run, she
thinks, but even men can't hide from love. Jane has bewitched him
and she is determined to win.
             The next day Jane calls Dick but he doesn't answer. Jane
leaves messages telling him to phone her. He still does not come
over or phone her. She goes to his apartment with a pumpkin. It is
Hallowe'en. She looks through the window, and sees Dick typing
something in his impoverished flat. He looks up in surprise as she
enters. She calls him a fucking jerk for not answering her calls.
She smashes the pumpkin on his head. He is slightly stunned.
             He says, exhausted and apologetic, that he's been trying
to make money by writing so that they could live together.That's
why he had taken the ringer off the phone to work without any
interruptions. He wanted to surprise her. But, he has deadlines to
meet for the sale of his wholesome Grade One Primers : "DICK
AND  JANE".