Adam said to Eve,

"Shall we?", and she said,

"Oh yes, most definitely," and took his arm. Together they went down into the night in search of Paradise.

Fools, said God, watching the pair stumble along. Don't you see that I gave it all to you? And God chuckled as they swayed and swirled into the paths of confusion. Oh, this makes it all much more fun.

"I'm drunk," said Eve, wiping her eyes. "But that doesn't mean a thing, don't you jump to conclusions."

"Of course not," slimed Adam, his arm around Eve's waist, already plotting the seduction. After all, they were naked already, how hard could it be.

But Eve was not just the first female, she was the first -

"I am not a sex object," she began, and Adam suddenly felt a throbbing in his brain. I will call this 'head ache', he thought, as it spread. Little did he know.

Eve was on fire, her hair tingling to the vibrations of her spirit. "I am naked in body, but what is mine is my own. You cannot force yourself upon us - "

"Us?" interrupted Adam. "As far as we know, it's just me and you. Who is this 'us'?"

"That's just a technicality." Eve swept on. "I speak for all those who will come after me -"

"Aha," said Adam. "And how exactly are they going to come after you if we don't, you know, do it?" Adam was digging into what looked to him like a very promising hole in Eve's argument.

Eve stopped to contemplate.

"It's all in the timing," she said. "I’m saying, Wait. Let's see where this goes. Let's not rush, but find a meeting place for our minds not just our genitals."

Damn, thought Adam.

God had never laughed so hard. Wiping away tears, God wondered how it all turned out so funny this early on in the game. I was expecting at least another couple of hundred years before the soap operas, thought God. Look at her, giving him what for. Who knew a woman in a fig leaf could hold out so long? He’s going to have to act fast. God settled back to watch the next instalment.

Flowers. That seemed to Adam like to way to go. Pretty little useless things. Somewhere inside of him, Adam felt that flowers would bring Eve around. She was off getting in touch with nature somewhere. Adam wished she was getting in touch with him.

He stomped around, grabbing the odd daisy and a clump of grass. Shoving them all together into some kind of bunch, he wandered off to try and persuade Eve, his Love, Light of his Life (that sounded good) that Togetherness was the Key to Eternity (for the night, anyhow). If she didn't go for that then, well, there had to be another one around. She couldn't be the only breasted being, right? Despairing at how rough life was turning out to be, Adam shouted at a winged thing and headed off.

Eve was singing. Singing without any actual words, just kind of joining in with the harmony of all things. Lying in the grass, her arms making sweeping motions while she tried to ignore the insects exploring her skin, Eve struggled to focus on nothingness. But she kept seeing Adam, his eyes, his hair, his chest.

"Damn," said Eve, sitting up, brushing hair out of her face and startling the ants crawling up her left breast. She wanted him out of her mind, but, at the same time, she just wanted him. The sisterhood that didn’t yet exist but that she could, somewhat strangely, already hear shook their fierce heads. Be strong, Eve. He doesn't see you, he just sees the surface. He is like all the rest, a breast-obsessed penis carrier. He must be taught the value of our sex. Hold out, Eve. Hold out. Keep those legs shut, Eve.

As Adam ambled towards her, Eve's eyes travelled over his stumpy body. What did she find so attractive? It's not as if he ever listened, ever asked her about herself. She started a conversation and he always jumped in with his own opinions, or changed the subject to something ridiculous. He was ridiculous. Really, he was nowhere near as interesting as Eve knew she was, open to all creatures, awake and alive. Adam was half-asleep most of the time.

And yet, as she watched his fig leaf swaying, something unconnected to her intellectual faculties began smooth-talking about skin-on-skin, sweat, heat, passion. The warnings of the sisterhood were losing volume fast.

"For you," said Adam, and gave Eve the flowers.

"Oh," said Eve, wondering why he had given her a handful of the plants growing quite happily all around them. She spent a few seconds contemplating returning the flowers to the earth, but was once again distracted by the fig leaf, which, from where she sat, was just above eye level.

"Eve," said Adam.

"Adam," said Eve. "Could you sit down. I am having trouble. Concentrating. It's the big yellow ball. Behind you, you know."

"Oh, sure," said Adam, thudding to the ground.

"Listen," he said, plucking a dandelion and fiddling. "I think we kind of started on the wrong foot. I mean, can we just do this all over again?"

I want to bury my head in your chest hair, thought Eve.

Adam took her silence as a come-on, and clumped along.

"You're really a very special person, I mean, woman, you know."

Eve was imagining her hand trailing over Adam's right thigh.

"I want you to know that, er, I don't just see you as a body, I want you for all of you, especially your brain, I mean your mind. Whatever." Adam was sweating. But Eve wasn't arguing. She wasn’t saying anything at all, for that matter. Adam reasoned that he must be better at this than he thought. Well, he was the First Man, which kind of would mean he was also the Best Man, right?

"Although," he said," your eyes are like, um, pools of, um … "

Good for you, Adam, said God. Go for it, fool. You will be an example to all men, who will never understand what women want, and will flail around, just like you, with flowers, chocolates, dinners by candle-light, Barry Manilow concerts. Keep going, Adam! Oh, this is too much.

Adam carried on for a while, using a couple of what he felt were really mushy words and comparisons between Eve's body parts and the nature she was so bloody mad about. He complimented her rather a lot, he felt, and tried really hard to gaze at her in a fond and loving way while saying all that stuff. Eve didn't say anything, and after a while Adam started wondering whether she had some kind of hearing problem.

No-one was more shocked, startled, amazed and downright thrilled when Eve got up, said,

"Oh hell,"

and pushed Adam to the ground.

"Shut up," was all she said. "Just shut up."

And he did.

That's it, said God. Go for it, girl.

"Shit," said the sisterhood, somewhere in the future. But Eve wasn't listening.