Rhythmic rat-a-tat-tats of cleavers on chopping boards punctuate the Polynesian chef¹s shouted instructions.

Our host explains, "We call feast ŒLong pig." Visitor content, until invitation clear: ŒCome for dinner," not mean, ŒEat dinner;" mean, ŒBe dinner." Joke on guest.

"Everything here tastes like chicken. Chicken got two legs. Man called featherless biped. Few feathers only difference. Eat. "

Appetizer: cloud tofu in golden broth with scallion

Entree: Buddah vegetables, steamed rice

Dessert: orange slices and fortune cookie. We crack open the cookie. It says, "To eat meat, one must shoot straight."